Shopping Night Before Christmas

Twas the day before Christmas and all the stores were quite hoppin'
   They waited until the last minute  to finish their gift shoppin'

   There was pushing and shoving  and grabbing for things
   From sweaters and dishes  to big diamond rings

   The crowds were just buying  all the stuff at the mall
   They just had to buy presents  they had to have them all

   I kept walking and looking at the stuff on display
   I couldn't wait any longer for today was the last day

   As I went by the window a gift caught my eye
   I knew exactly what to get and it was time for me to buy

   As I went for the present a lady did speak
   "I saw it first.  I saw it last week!"

   I was angry and upset  as I began to glare
   At this mean old lady with silver white hair

   I shouted and yelled and called her some names:
   "You bastard, you whore, you mean little bitch"
   "You're ugly and nasty, you old little witch"

   She ran to the counter and complained quite a bit
   "He's crazy, he's mad and he just threw a fit"

   Mall security came running as I stood there and thought
   Look at all these gifts I could have just bought


   I was led out the store and not a person did stop
   They kept looking for prese   and continued to shop

   I wasn't allowed back or even to peek through the glass
   I hate Christmas shopping  its a pain in the ass

   I knew this would happen I knew it would suck
   As I walked out the door and went back to my truck

   So this I will tell you and listen quite well
   Waiting until the last minute will put you through Hell

   Do your shopping early start sometime in September
   And this short little story you should surely remember

   Do something different next year and you’ll find
   Don't wait until the last minute do your shopping on line