Greeting Card Poems

  Santa's Mishap Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, With reindeer ready, he did believe. But alas, poor Santa had a bit to drink, His sleigh swerving, he couldn't think. Santa's nose, so brighter than Rudolph's, From what he’d drunk, certainly not the cold. "Santa," the elves warned, "you've had too much cheer, Let Mrs. Claus drive, it's crystal clear!" Jetting around on Christmas Eve no good to blow .05 Surely, Mrs Claus should drive Because if he gets caught by the RBT Then he’ll lose his licence indefinitely  But Santa laughed, "I'm fine, my dear, Just spreading joy, no need for fear." Down the chimney, he tried to squeeze, Tripped on his boots, caught in a breeze. The elves were worried, the workshop in a fuss, Santa's driving skills were clearly a minus. Mrs. Claus took charge, said with a smile, "Santa, my love, you've been naughty for a while." She hopped in the sleigh, grabbed the reins, Guiding the team thr

  Santa's Accident In the North Pole, there arose a clatter, Santa slipped on ice, his presents all-a-scatter The elves didn’t worry they said it didn’t matter , Now Mrs. Claus must make Christmas swagger. With a bandaged knee and not feeling jolly , Santa's recovery was tracking so poorly His doctor said to venture out would be folly, Mrs. Claus  must share the ivy and the holly. She hitches the reindeer, checks her list twice, No need for worry, she's got this, how nice! Through chimneys she'll squeeze, like a festive spice, Santa's in bed, sipping cocoa, his knee on ice. So, Merry Christmas to all, don't you fret, Santa's healing, but Mrs. Claus is set. A jolly delivery, there's no need to bet, She's the new star of this Christmas duet!

 Politically Correct Santa Things had become so difficult up at the North Pole The elves had become unionized they’d put everything on hold They said Santa was a bore, he wasn’t politically correct “So we’re shutting you down, there’s work bans in place.” Said the shop steward elect And so before he'd had a chance to call his lawyer  Santa had become an equal opportunity employer  So now in the workshop at his North Pole home Santa employs dwarves, sprites and gnome And now the factory floor will feature Every imaginable fairy-tale creature So Santa’s helpers are now of all sorts In the Vertically Challenged Union, VCU for short And what of the big man, Santa himself Is he a man or just a big elf? With a flowing white beard and a jolly old smile He hasn’t seen his toes in quite a while His coat is too small and his suit a bit tight But he’s the right weight for a man twice his height He used to be jolly, he used to be gay. But that word has a new meaning these days Still times have

  Christmas Poems Then out from the stables there arose such a clatter But the RSPCA were there to see what was the matter There in the stables Santa found a sight quite strange NO reindeer to be found, they now were free range This gave them more energy to get the sleigh lifted Heaven knows they need it ‘cause Santa’s horizontally gifted But what of the reindeer like Doner and Cupid They’re running free, you know they’re not stupid Since been released they’re flying much faster All this because of the fresh greener pasture But now because of work embargoes Santa can’t use Rudolf’s red nose When delivering presents he’ll have to move fast Or else get caught and charged with trespass. But there’s still time for cookies, milk and not beer Cause the booze buses are out in force this year It’s no good for Santa to blow .05 Then he’ll have to be a passenger, Mrs Claus will have to drive Santa’s sleigh full of gadgets it’s become hi-tech There’ll be no need for the RTA to inspect But still i